The Wonders of Talent Shows
by crazyladywithabag
Summary: Harry and Hermione are in love, except they deny it. When Dumbledore announces a talent show, the whole schools in a frenzy, so how exactly do they get together through this frenzy, actually, will they ever get together in this frenzy. Review plz.
1. Chapter 1

The Talent Show

"A talent show, is Dumbledore nutters!" Ron Weasley exclaimed. "I think that this is a very good idea..." Hermione said softly. Everyone stopped and stared. "Well I am NOT doing it... Another ploy to get to me..." Harry Potter stated firmly. "Harry, you know you could change people's view of you." "Fine"

"So mate, about you and Hermione, I think you two are starting to do the lovebird tango." Seamus Finnegan said to a blushing Harry in a knowing smirk.

"Did you just say lovebird tango...?"

"That's what me mum calls it! So be quiet!"

"Well either way you put it, I do not fancy Hermione, and even if I did, she probably wouldn't feel the same way."

"So you do admit it...cheeky bugger, lying all this time about your true feelings."

"I never said that, I said 'if'"

They all heard a "See, I told you he doesn't fancy me!" outside their door.

Neville went outside for a peek, and he found a very curious sight.

"Neville, you won't tell will you?"

"No, but your gonna have to say that you like him, 'cause, sure as Merlin, he has one load of a crush on you" Nevill said in hushed tones.

The day of the Talent Show

"So today's the big day... damn...I don't wanna go!"

"Harry you are being a whiny brat."

"So." Hermione gave him the 'look.'

"Damn you..."

Dumbledore's voice boomed "First up we have Mr. Neville Longbottom with Mr. Cellophane, from the musical Chicago!"

Neville walked confidently on stage, in a suit, with a white powdered face and rouge on his cheeks.

He 'Ahem' ed loudly, everyone looked up.

"If someone stood up in a crowd  
And raised his voice up way out loud  
And waved his arm  
And shook his leg  
You'd notice him

If someone in a movie show  
Yelled "fire" in the second row,  
This whole place is a powder keg!"  
You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen  
Everyone gets noticed, now and then,  
Unless, of course, that personage should be  
Invisible, inconsequential me!

Cellophane  
Mister cellophane  
Should have been my name !!!!  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there!

I tell ya  
Cellophane  
Mister cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me walk right by me  
And never know I'm there. . .

Suppose you was a little cat  
Residin' in a person's flat  
Who fed you fish and scratched your ears?  
You'd notice him

Suppose you was a woman wed  
And sleepin' in a double bed beside one man for seven years  
You'd notice him

A human being's made of more than air  
With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there

Unless that human bein' next to you  
Is unimpressive, undistinguished  
You know who. . .

Should have been my name  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there  
I tell ya  
Cellophane  
Mister cellophane  
Should have been my name  
Mister cellophane  
'cause you can look right through me  
Walk right by me  
And never know I'm there  
Never even know I'm there"

Everyone clapped, now he was, amazingly... good.

Dumbledore walked back up onto the stage. "And that was Mr. Cellophane, wonderfully done Neville! Next up we have Ms. Pavarti Patil"

"Hi everyone, so I am doing a little bit of stand up, or rather sit down comedy!"

Everyone, although surprised, clapped loudly.

'So everyone, why is Vanna White so hard to replace?"

"Anyone willing to guess?"

Someone shouted out "cuz she's hot."

"Not exactly, mostly because they can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet."

The blonds looked a bit put out, but laughed a bit anyway.

"OK here is another one

Have you seen Ray Charles wife???

No, well neither has he!

Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?

Cause it kept on saying Bach Bach Bach!"

Pavarti bowed as the crowd laughed and clapped.

Dumbledore once again boomed "And here is Draco Malfoy with..."

Draco came walking on stage.

He was wearing ballet tights... and a oh Merlin, you really don't want to know...

"Hello everyone, this is my new act Eating Apple Pie Trees!"

He pirouetted, did a fantastic allegro, fell on his knees dramatically, flipped his hair, rose into the air and screeched, I am a tree, free as the wind!"

People shielded their eyes, you don't even want to know the rest.

"Mr. Malfoy will you please resume your seat," Dumbledore asked firmly.

"But my fans," he screamed, "they need me, they want me, ahhh!"

"Well thank you to Mr. Malfoy for that intriguing performance."

"Intriguing indeed, never knew Malfoy was such a poofter!" Harry laughed.

"Now we have the Performance by Mr. Harry Potter singing Stay Beautiful by the Last Goodnight."

A really cool sound started playing...

"Sunday morning at the door  
You were coming back for more  
We were kicking it all around  
I was looking in your eyes  
You thought it was justified  
You said, m-m-m-m-more

[Chorus]  
Don't stop, Don't change, Stay beautiful  
One life, Today, You're irresistible  
Get up, Get out, Stay wonderful  
All this time is waiting for you  
Don't stop, Don't change, Stay beautiful

Poison kisses in the rain you were calling out my name  
Laughing like the joke was on me

Ba da da ba da da  
Ba da da ba da da  
Ba ba ba ba da

[Chorus]

Post cards, throwing darts, sidekicks and super marts  
Break dance, second chance, I will run to you  
Sideways, back and forth, wake up, hit the floor  
Oh no, where'd you go, I will come to you  
One more, day like this  
One more, poison kiss  
One more, hand to fist  
I will run to you  
Always, first in line  
Always, on my mind  
Always, doing fine  
I will come to you

Ba da da ba da da  
Ba da da ba da da  
Ba ba ba ba da

Don't stop, Don't change, Stay beautiful  
One life, Today, Your irresistible  
Get up, Get out, Stay wonderful  
All this time is waiting for you

Don't stop, Don't change, Stay beautiful  
One life, Today, Is undeniable  
Get up, Get out, Stay wonderful  
All this time is waiting for you  
Don't stop, Don't change, Stay beautiful

Don't stop, Don't change, Stay beautiful  
One life, Today, Is undeniable  
Get up, Get out, Stay wonderful  
All this time is waiting for you  
All this time is waiting for you"

The girls were practically drooling, no actually, they were really drooling. Colin Creevy, also seemed well to be looking in awe... yikes, I do not even want to know what is going on in that boys head.

"Amazing Performance by Mr. Harry Potter"

"The next performance is by Miss Hermione Granger."

Murmurs were heard throughout the Great Hall.

"Ha. Bet it'll be reading more than anyone else in 3 hours." Ron Weasley exclaimed laughing.

"I dunno Ron, I mean...she might be like really good at something..."

Ron just snorted.

"With the song Hot n' Cold by Katy Perry"

The song started to play.

"You change your mind  
Like a girl changes clothes  
Yeah, you PMS like a bitch  
I would know

Yeah, you always think  
Always speak cryptically  
I should know  
That you're no good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight, we break up  
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no  
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down

We used to be just like twins, so in sync  
The same energy now's a dead battery  
Used to laugh 'bout nothing  
Now you're plain boring  
I should know  
That you're not gonna change

'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight, we break up  
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no  
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

Someone call the doctor  
Got a case of a love bipolar  
Stuck on a rollercoaster  
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind  
Like a girl changes clothes

'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down  
You're wrong when it's right  
It's black and it's white  
We fight, we break up  
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no  
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold  
You're yes then you're no  
You're in and you're out  
You're up and you're down, down, down, down..."

_"Harry James Potter, we really have to talk..."_

_"Shit..."_

_"Oh, well here goes my chance... Hermione Jane Granger, will you please, please, pretty please, with a cherry on top, marry me!?"_

_"Oooo, a toughie, well, I suppose I can._

_And on stage, Harry dipped Hermione, into a deep long kiss_. "

"Harry, Harry, are you there, Harry?"

"Oh Hermione, sorry I was day dreaming..."

"Okay then, so what did you think of my song?"

"It was amazing, honestly, amazing..."

Hermione kissed him on the cheek, and ran away

"Wow..." Harry said in shock touching his cheek.

"Well mate, that story about you and Hermione, not fancying each other, seems a bit of a LIE!" Ron Weasley said in a I-told-you-so-and-you-didn't-believe-me-and-look-where-you-are-now-and-why-is-this-sentece-using-so-many-hyphen's voice.

"And next is Luna Lovegood with her amazing gymnastic tricks ."

Luna bowed gracefully and loud music playing she did flips, turns, and so many more amazing tricks.

"Harry?" Hermione asked tentatively.

"Yeah 'mione, what's up?" Harry's heart beat wildly, he was sure she could hear it.

"You promise if I tell you, the thing I am about to tell you, it won't change our friendship."

"Yeah sure..."

"Well the thing is that I really, really like you."

Silence, very awkward.

"You know, never mind, just forget I ever said it."

Hermione fled.

Ron came up behind Harry and put an arm on his shoulder "Well, let's hope you get another chance to be able to screw up a relationship..."

"Nice Ron, real nice, any actual advice to let me have the courage to tell her that I feel exactly the same way?"

"Well do what I do when girls are the problem."

"Be blunt, and scare the heck outta her."

"I do not scare the heck outta girls!!! In any case, just take out the last idiotic bit, get some balls and do it, it's not that hard, all you have to say is Hermione I am totally and completely in love with you. Not that hard"

"That's what you say..."

"Okay, don't listen to me. You'll regret it!"

"No, no, he'll do it, but with a twist." A devious Ginny Weasley said mischievously.

Intermission

"Michel, Mikey, where are you, you need to come back to daddy, I love you, come back to daddy Micheal." A sad Severus Snape said looking for his teddy bear.

Back to the show

"Next we have Ginny Weasley on the Magical Guitar and Seamus Finnegan singing , Bob Seger's Old Time Rock n' Roll"

"Just take those old records off the shelf  
I sit and listen to 'em by m'self  
Today's music ain't got the same soul  
I like that old time rock and roll

Don't try to take me to a Disco  
You'll never even get me out on the floor  
In 10 minutes I'll be late for the door  
I like that old time rock and roll

(Chorus)  
Still like that old time rock and roll  
The kinda music just soothes the soul  
I reminisce about the days of old  
With that old time rock and roll

Don't wanna hear 'em play a Tango  
I'd rather hear some blues or funky old soul  
There's only one sure way to get me to go  
Start playin' old time rock and roll

Call me a relic call me what'cha will  
Say I'm old fashioned say I'm over the hill  
Today's music ain't got the same soul  
I like that old time rock and roll

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

Still like that old time rock and roll"

"Hermione?"

"No, Harry it's okay, you don't have to feel bad."

"But I do..."

Hermione hiccupped a sob

"You see, the thing is that I really, really truly, absolutely, am in love with you.

"Your lying"

"I am willing to take Verituserum."

"Thank God."

"For What?"

"For this."

And in front of the Great Hall they did the unimaginable, they kissed. For a extremely long time, I am starting to doubt that those two need air to survive.

I guess those are the great things about talent shows.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own any of the songs in this story, or the jokes, I only own the plot.


End file.
